Killer Inside Me

You've probably seen me hanging around I'm a very familiar face in this town A day doesn't go by that I don't meet A lot of my friends walking down the street I'm never too busy to stop by the way And I've always got something pleasant to say Maybe some perceptive thoughts about the weather Or the latest news from Wall Street, whatever I could stand around all day making small talk Gushing platitudes, blocking the sidewalk Tying people up for hours with ease My one big talent is shooting the breeze When they start to squirm, I really get going But only my happy-face smile is showing Why can't they see what I'm trying to hide I'm bustin' a gut, laughing on the inside It's in their smile when they say hello I can see they think I'm a little bit slow But after a while with me, they look dazed Their eyes covered with a donut glaze I really start to cook when I see that look I hit 'em with every cliche in the book Their knees wobble and they start to weave It's like they're begging for permission to leave They think they are having a brush with stupidity I don't laugh, even though it's killing me Watching them wilt like day old flowers Ticking off the minutes as they turn to hours They are wondering how much more they can take I give 'em a friendly smile and a handshake We say goodbye very politely Now say hello to the killer inside me Everybody has their doubts about my sanity But nothing happens 'cause they all feel sorry for me I've got the whole town under my thumb And all I've gotta do is keep acting dumb "Oh that boy Lou" they say "what a guy A little on the slow side but wouldn't hurt a fly "And such a gentleman" "Oh yes I know, he sure can talk your ear off though" I tip my hat and pretend I don't hear Grinning like a half wit from ear to ear I can think of a thousand ways to say hello So I start through 'em all, and go real slow They listen hard, and act like they care How can they be so completely unaware Of the truth the answer is always denied me So I introduce them to the killer inside me

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