The Worst Pies in London

A customer! Wait, what's your rush? What's your hurry? You gave me such a fright, I thought you was a ghost Half a minute, come here, sit, sit you down, sit All I meant is that I haven't seen a customer for weeks Did you come here for a pie, sir? Do forgive me if me head's a little vague What is that? But you think we had the plague From the way that people keep avoiding No, you don't Heaven knows I try, sir! But there's no one comes in even to inhale Right you are, sir, would you like a drop of ale? Mind you, I can't hardly blame them These are probably the worst pies in London I know why nobody cares to take them I should know, I make 'em, but good? No! The worst pies in London Even that's polite the worst pies in London If you doubt it, take a bite Is that just disgusting? You have to concede it It's nothing but crusting Here, drink this, you'll need it The worst pies in London And no wonder with the price of meat What it is? When you get it? Never Thought I'd live to see the day Men'd think it was a treat Findin' poor animals Wot are dyin' in the street Mrs. Mooney has a pie shop Does a business but I notice somethin' weird Lately all her neighbors' cats have disappeared Have to hand it to her, wot I calls Enterprise poppin' pussies into pies! Wouldn't do in my shop Just the thought of it's enough to make you sick And I'm tellin' you, them pussycats is quick No denyin' times is hard, sir Even harder than the worst pies in London Only lard and nothing more Is that just revolting All greasy and gritty? It looks like it's molting And tastes like, well, pity A woman alone with limited wind And the worst pies in London Ah, sir, times is hard Times is hard!

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