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Well, I guess it was back in sixty-three When eatin' my cookin' got the better of me So I asked this little girl I was goin' with To be my wife Well, she said she would So I said, "I do" But I'd-a said "I wouldn't" if I'd-a just knew How sayin' "I do" was gonna screw up all my o' my life Well, the first few years weren't all that bad I'll never forget the good times we had 'Cause I'm reminded every month When I send her the child support Well, it wasn't too long till the lust was gone And I'll admit I wasn't too surprised The day I come home and found my suitcase Sittin' out on the porch Well, I tried to get in, she'd changed the lock Then I found this note stuck on the mailbox It said, "Goodbye, turkey My Attorney will be in touch" So I decided right then and there I was gonna do what's right, Give her her fair share, but, brother, I didn't assay it was gonna be that much She got the goldmine (She got the goldmine) I got the shaft (I got the shaft) They split it right down the middle And then they gave her the better half Well it all sounds sort o' funny But it hurts too much to laugh She got the goldmine And I got the shaft Now listen, you ain't heard nothin' yet Why, they gave her the colour television set Then they gave her the house The kids and both o' the cars See, well then they start talkin' 'bout child support Alimony and the cost o' the Court It didn't take me long to figure out How fond of attorneys I was I'm tellin' ya they have made a mistake 'Cause it adds up to more than this cowboy makes Besides, everything I ever had worth takin' They've already took While she's livin' like a queen on alimony I'm workin' two shifts, Eatin' baloney, askin' myself "Why didn't you just learn to cook?" They give her the goldmine (She got the goldmine) They give me the shaft (I got the shaft) They said they're splittin it all down the middle, But she got the better half But it all sounds mighty funny But it hurts too much to laugh She got the goldmine I got the shaft Well, she got the goldmine (She got the goldmine) I got the shaft (I got the shaft) They split it all down the middle And then they give her the better half Well I guess it all sounds funny (Ha-ha-ha-ha) Just hurts too much to laugh She got the goldmine I got the shaft Huh-hah, they ain't kiddin' I got the shaft But I don't have to worry About totin' a billfold no more Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, I let my wife tote it I'm gonna be carryin' food stamps You get it, Judge? Ha-ha, that's not funny, huh? Contempt of Court? What d'ya mean? Listen, Judge I was just kiddin' I mean
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