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Drunk men stagger, drunk men fall Drunk men swear and that's not all Quite often they will urinate outdoors Like widowed women, drunk men weep Like children curled up, drunk men sleep Like a dog, a drunk will crawl around on all fours Be he broke bum or rich rake His dinner be it bread or cake His beverage be the worse of whiskey, finest wine Puke it stinks and so it seems That drunkards go to great extremes But there has yet to be a perfectly straight high Drunks talk strong when drunks are weak It's easy for a drunk to speak Straight from the heart Yeah, drunks will fight they're not afraid They'll kiss the mistress and make the maid It's a manly art Oh, but big toll will take Blood vessels in nose will break Bags beneath the eyes, another sign Drunks get ugly, so it seems That drunkards go to great extremes But there has yet to be a perfectly straight line Drunks are friendly when they're drunk and Drunks are hostile when they're drunk Which drunk it is, it all depends upon When drunks aren't drunk, they thirst for drink And the elephants are grey, not pink And the drink evaporates the man is gone, gone, gone, gone Back to the yachts and the subway cars To the hip flasks and fruit jars Flat on the face and flat on the behind Oh, drunks get drunk and so it seems That drunkards go to great extremes But there has yet to be a perfectly straight line Straight line Straight line
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