Gus: The Theatre Cat

Gus is the Cat at the theatre door My name, as I ought to have told you before Is really Asparagus, but that's such a fuss to pronounce That they usually call me just Gus My coat's very shag, I'm thin as a rake And I suffer from palsy which makes my paw shake Yet I was in my youth quite the smartest of cats Though no longer a terror to mice or to rats For I'm not the cat that I was in my prime Though my name was quite famous, they say, in my time And whenever I join my friends at their club Which takes place at the back of the neighbouring pub I love to regale them if someone else pays With anecdotes drawn from my palmiest days For I once was a star of the highest degree I have acted with Irving I've acted with Tree And I like to relate my success on the halls When the gallery once gave me seven cat calls But my grandest creation, as I love to tell Was Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell Then, if someone will give me a toothful of gin I will tell how I once played a part in East Lynne In a Shakespeare performance I once walked on pat When some actor suggested the need for a cat And I say now, these kittens, they do not get trained As they did in the days when Victoria reigned They do not get drilled in the regular troupe And they think it is smart just to jump through a hoop And I say as I scratch myself with my claws Well, the theatre is certainly not what it was These modern productions are all very well But there's nothing to equal from what I hear tell That moment of mystery when I made history As Firefrorefiddle, the Fiend of the Fell