Ya Got Trouble

A pool table, don't you understand? Friend, either you're closing your eyes To a situation you do not wish to acknowledge Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated By the presence of a pool table in your community Well, ya got trouble my friend, right here I say, trouble right in River City, why sure, I'm a billiard player Certainly, mighty proud I say, I'm always mighty proud to say it I consider that the hours I spend with a cue in my hand are golden Help you cultivate horse sense and a cool head and a keen eye Did you ever take and try to find and iron-clad leave for yourself From a three-rail billiard shot? But just as I say It takes judgement, brains and maturity to score In a balkline game, I say that any boob Can take and shove a ball in a pocket And I call that sloth the first big step on the road To the depths of deg-ra-day I say, first, medicinal wine from a teaspoon Then beer from a bottle And the next thing you know Your son is playing for money in a pinch-back suit And listenin' to some big outta town jasper Hearin' him tell about horse race gamblin' Not a wholesome trottin' race, no But a race where they set down right on the horse Like to see some stuck-up jockey boy Settin' on Dan Patch? Make your blood boil Well I should say Now friends, let me tell you what I mean You got one, two, three, four, five, six pockets in a table Pockets that mark the difference between a gentleman and a bum With a capital "B" and that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pool And all week long your River City youth'll be fritterin' away I say, your young men will be fritterin' Fritterin' away their noontime, suppertime, choretime too Get the ball in the pocket, never mind gettin' dandelions pulled Or the screen door patched or the beef steak pounded Never mind pumpin' any water 'Til your parents are caught with the cistern empty On a Saturday night and that's trouble Yes you got lots and lots of trouble I'm thinkin' of the kids in the knickerbockers Shirt-tail young ones, peekin' in the pool hall window after school You got trouble, folks Right here in River City, trouble with a capital "T" And that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pool Now I know all you folks are the right kind of parents I'm gonna be perfectly frank Would you like to know what kinda conversation goes on While they're loafing around that hall? They be tryin' out Bevo, tryin' out cubebs Tryin' out Tailor Mades like cigarette fiends And braggin' all about how they're gonna cover up A tell-tale breath with Sen-Sen One fine night, they leave the pool hall Heading for the dance at the Arm'ry Libertine men and scarlet women, and ragtime, shameless music That'll grab your son, your daught with the arms of a jungle, animal instinct Mass-staria Friends, the idle brain is the devil's playground Trouble (oh we got trouble) Right here in River City (right here in River City) With a capital "T" and that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pool (That stands for pool) We've surely got trouble (we've surely got trouble) Right here in River City (right here) Gotta figure out a way to keep the young ones moral after school (Our children's children gonna have trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble...) Mothers of River City, heed that warning before it's too late Watch for the the tell-tale signs of corruption The minute your son leaves the house Does he re-buckle his knickerbockers below the knee? Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger? A dime novel hidden in the corn crib? Is he starting to memorise jokes from Cap'n Billy's Whiz Bang? Are certain words creeping into his conversation Words like, like "swell"? (Trouble, trouble, trouble) And "so's your old man? (Trouble, trouble, trouble) Well if so, my friends, you got trouble (oh we got trouble) Right here in River City (right here in River City) With a capital "T" and that rhymes with "P" and that stands for pool (That stands for pool) We've surely got trouble (we've surely got trouble) Right here in River City (right here) Remember the Maine, Plymouth Rock and the Golden Rule (Our children's children gonna have trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble...) Oh we got trouble, we're in terrible, terrible trouble That game with the fifteen numbered balls is a devil's tool (devil's tool) Oh yes we got trouble, trouble, trouble (Oh yes we got trouble here, we got big, big trouble) With a "T" (with a capital "T") Gotta rhyme it with "P" (gotta rhyme with "P") And that stands for pool (that stands for pool)

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